Self-Esteem is one of the most important things that needs to be developed if we have a desire to experience any wellness at all. We all know it’s Important, and we all know when we are missing it, or when it’s not where it should be. But what is it, how is it actually defined, and when we are looking to have improved self-esteem, what are we actually looking for?
This is a pretty big question and in the initial stages of therapy, many of my patients are not able to define it either. I think the hallmark of self-esteem is the ability to recognize and appreciate our strengths, manage our weaknesses without judgement, a desire to do the things that are important to us, and allow others to treat us in a manner that is healthy, respectful and productive. Actually, I can go on and on about the various ways self-esteem can enhance our experience, but right now, I want to talk about the things everybody can do to start to focus on themselves and how they would like to be treated.
A comedian that I find supremely hilarious, Katt Williams, said in one of his stand-up specials “you have to be in line with your star player”. Very important words right there. We are our own “Star players”, and we need to make regular contact with ourselves and what we need. It is likely when this happens that a whole host of thoughts will surface reminding us of past failures and inadequacies that we perceive in ourselves, and believe that everyone else who encounters us can also notice. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings seem like they are on a continuous loop playing over and over again like our favorite pop hit of the week, just always there, playing loudly and bringing with them painful feelings and the desire to hide from the world.
Let me ask you this: if someone else said to you all of the messed up things you have said about yourself, how would you react? “You’re a loser, and you dress like a slob, that haircut won’t help, there is no amount of foundation that can help that mug, and you should really be paying attention to...” you know. Those thoughts. Where I come from we call those “FIGHTIN’ WORDS”. Many of us would engage in some sort of conflict with another human being that spoke to us in such a painful manner. But what does each of us do, when it’s our own thoughts and feelings? Interestingly enough, many people believe these thoughts. Many people believe that because these thoughts come from themselves, and provide video evidence via memories that they must be true. Many people would be wrong.
I’ll stop here with a gentle reminder to give up the fight against your own thoughts and feelings and let your own actions speak louder than your thoughts and feelings ever good. To get started with treating yourself well, I’ll leave you with this. Get yourself a Q-tip, put a little bit of lotion on the tip (I like aveeno), and go ahead and clean your ears like that. I call it an “Ear-gasm”. Try it out and thank me in the morning. #LoveMeToday